记住：你的痛苦都存在你的脑海中。如果你想进步，你就需要找出真正的问题和痛苦所在。通过直面痛苦，你能把自己面临的矛盾和问题看得更透彻。反思并解决这些问题会让你更具智慧。痛苦和挑战越大，效果越佳。

因为这些痛苦的时刻都如此重要，你不要轻率地一带而过。要好好琢磨、探究背后的原因，这样才能打下未来改进的基础。拥抱你自己的失败，直面给你和他人造成的痛苦，这是实现真正改进的第一步。这也是为什么在很多社会，人们都把忏悔作为宽恕的前提。心理学家把这称为“触底”。如果你能坚持这样做，就会把直面错误和缺点的痛苦转化为喜悦，“达到彼岸”。

Remember this: The pain is all in your head. If you want to evolve, you need to go where the problems and the pain are. By confronting the pain, you will see more clearly the paradoxes and problems you face. Reflecting on them and resolving them will give you wisdom. The harder the pain and the challenge, the better. 

Because these moments of pain are so important, you shouldn’t rush through them. Stay in them and explore them so you can build a foundation for improvement. Embracing your failures—and confront-ing the pain they cause you and others—is the first step toward genuine improvement; it is why confession precedes forgiveness in many societies. Psychologists call this “hitting bottom.” If you keep doing this you will convert the pain of facing your mistakes and weaknesses into pleasure and “get to the other side”